‘Have I Got Nudes for You’, March 2019

Telegraph Hill Festival celebrated its 25th year in 2019. When the festival organiser invited Esther to present a Spirited Bodies event she decided it was time for another ‘Have I Got Nudes For You‘ special. Much fun was had by all when we’d combined life drawing with topical news-inspired poses for the first time in December last year, and the craziness of humanity had provided us with plenty of fresh material since then.

We tweaked the format a little. In the first half, Esther and I would recreate eight news stories and ask a quiz question about each one. Then in the second half Esther would create three group tableaux with volunteers from our audience of artists, after which a quiz champion would be announced and crowned for the final pose of the session. An unexpected bonus was a party group joining in the fun to celebrate a birthday.

To begin with, Esther posed solo standing with one foot on a football whilst holding an England flag aloft behind her head…

March 2019: England women win a first major football trophy.
The England Lionesses travelled across the Atlantic where they came from behind to defeat Brazil, drew with host nation USA and beat Japan 3-0 in the deciding match to lift a major international football trophy for the first time ever.
Question: What was the name of the tournament?

Next it was me solo – I put on a golden cardboard crown and crashed sideways to the floor whilst clutching a cardboard steering wheel (we didn’t have a big budget)…

January 2019: The Duke of Edinburgh is involved in a car crash.
Prince Philip, aged 97, was not injured in the accident, which happened as he drove out from a driveway near the Queen’s Sandringham estate. Two women in another vehicle needed hospital treatment for cuts and an arm injury.
Question: What type of vehicle was the Duke driving?

Esther returned to stage with a small roll of paper that she proceeded to unfurl as if it were emerging from between her legs…

March 2019: Performance artist Carolee Schneemann dies aged 79.
Groundbreaking US artist, Schneemann fearlessly confronted taboos around sex and gender using raw meat, naked bodies, video and snakes. For her 1975 performance piece ‘Interior Scroll’ she famously pulled a long reel of text from her vagina and read it aloud in public.
Question: In which American city was Interior Scroll first performed?

I’m nobody’s idea of the US President, but I returned wearing a swept-back blond wig and pointed to a crudely-drawn wall while clutching a fistful of dollars…

January 2019: Longest-ever US Government shutdown ends.
A budget impasse in the Senate over Donald Trump’s demand for $5.7 billion toward construction of a wall extending the barrier along the Mexican border, leads to the longest-ever Government shutdown in US history. Compromise without a wall finally ended the shutdown on 25 January 2019.
Question: To the nearest 5 days, how long did the shutdown last?

Time for a duo pose. Esther merrily munched on her freshly-baked treat from Greggs, whilst I stood beside her furiously tearing one of their paper bags…

March 2019: Greggs bakery chain’s annual sales pass £1 billion.
Greggs announced its best ever trading figures and gave credit to the media attention accompanying its launch of a particular product for a sharp rise in sales. The product in question divided the nation: loved by many, but scorned by traditionalists.
Question: Which new Greggs product was a January hit with consumers?

Another duo pose – Esther dumped a blue rosette in a waste paper bin, and I dumped a red rosette…

February 2019: Labour and Tory MPs quit their parties.
Eight Labour MPs and three Conservative MPs resigned to form an independent group within parliament. Now only the Conservative, Labour and the Scottish Nationalist parties have more sitting MPs than the breakaway group, which has since applied to become a brand new political party.
Question: What name has the group given itself?

Now came the one Esther had been looking forward to most: I read the introduction to this news story, then Esther smacked a real raw egg onto the side of my head…

March 2019: Teenager throws an egg at bigoted senator.
Following the terrorist killing of 50 Muslims in Christchurch, one Australian senator sparked outrage by blaming: “the immigration program which allowed Muslim fanatics to migrate to New Zealand in the first place.” A 17 year-old from Melbourne responded by splatting an egg on the senator’s head.
Question: What’s the first or last name of either the senator or ‘Egg Boy’?

While I retreated to rinse my egg-splattered hair, Esther lay spread-eagle on the floor with a mass a plastic cockroaches strewn across her…

January 2019: Far-right government censorship in Brazil.
The rise of an extreme right-wing president in Brazil has led to huge protests such as the #EleNão women’s movement. In Rio, when the authorities closed an exhibition attacking dictatorship-era torture, the És Uma Maluca arts collective used bodies and fake cockroaches to protest on the streets instead.
Question: What’s the name of Brazil’s extremist president? (surname will do)

After a break, the first group tableau was an inevitable ‘Brexiteers’ versus ‘Remainers’ pose. Esther was joined by three volunteers, including one from the birthday party…

Next we tackled sex education on the national curriculum. Esther dispensed condoms and presided over a class of volunteer ‘children’ (some very mature students)…

Fair play to Billy the birthday boy who stripped-off to join our climate change pose on beach towels in unseasonable warmth. Of course, we all sang him Happy Birthday…

During the final pose I read out the answers to all the earlier quiz questions. How well did you do in our news challenge?

Answer 1: The SheBelieves Cup
Answer 2: Land Rover
Answer 3: New York
Answer 4: 35 days
Answer 5: Vegan sausage roll
Answer 6: Change UK
Answer 7: Fraser Anning and Will Connolly
Answer 8: Jair Bolsonaro

We had a two-way tie for first place so Esther randomly picked a winner and crowned Adrian as champion. He posed regally to bring this splendid occasion to a close…

The foremost work of Spirited Bodies is about promoting body positivity, feminism and empowering people through art – all serious stuff – but ‘Have I Got Nudes for You’ is a chance to have a bit of fun too. Hopefully that was achieved for everybody. Certainly it was great to hear laughter around the room throughout, and enjoy drawings that didn’t take themselves too seriously. So, yeah, really good fun – see you at the next one?