Having participated in ten London Naked Bike Rides and two Brighton Naked Bike Rides – both of which attract many hundreds of cyclists – I felt it was time I supported one the UK’s smaller World Naked Bike Rides (WNBRs). I’d read that just 30 people took part in Chelmsford last year, so I set my sights on the county town of Essex.
Poster for the fifth annual Chelmsford World Naked Bike Ride.
Is that it?
Gather from 2pm, ride at 3pm. Cycling from Chelmsford station, I reached the Market Square assembly point not long after half-past two and found a dozen guys present. I figured these were organisers and that over the next 20 minutes perhaps another two, three or four dozen riders would turn up. I took a seat in the nearby park and waited.
2:53pm on Market Square: more to come?
With just a couple of minutes left until our scheduled start, still no-one else had come. I’d assumed naively that if 30 took part in 2018, the number would be even higher this year. Now the realisation dawned there would merely be… 14 of us. We undressed in front of indifferent shoppers, posed for a press photo, then set-off along Bellmead.
3:00pm on Market Square: press photo call
3:05pm on Bellmead: the ride begins
It’s possible to be stark naked outdoors in a busy city centre yet still feel anonymous, somehow invisible, when surrounded by a thousand other bare bodies. Being one of only 14, however, is a whole new level of exposure and vulnerability. Only 14, strung out betwixt sparse traffic on the A1060 Parkway. Quite surreal.
3:05pm on A1060 Parkway: the roads open
3:09pm on Odeon roundabout: the first of three circuits
The Elm Road loop
I had sought a different kind of experience and I was certainly getting one. We circled the Odeon Roundabout for what would be the first of three times, then back-tracked a little way to a left turn into Moulsham Street. This was our first street with pedestrians, and thus a first chance to gauge the public mood.
3:10pm on A1060 Parkway: turning down Moulsham Street
3:11pm on Moulsham Street: passing The Star and Garter
As an Essex native, born and bred, I know the people are generous and supportive at their finest; many love being raucous and outrageous, yet many are conservative with a small ‘c’ – too many with a big ‘C’ – and when intolerance surfaces it can get nasty. Happily, in Moulsham Street we felt the love, even enjoying outbreaks of applause.
3:13pm on Moulsham Street: Chelmsford Tories – the big Cs
3:16pm on Elm Road: our south-west extremity
We travelled south-west almost a full kilometre along Moulsham Street before turning right into Elm Road, and right again at New London Road for a parallel return to town. Heading left at the A1060 Parkway we passed Essex County Cricket Club, glimpsing only its floodlights. At the next roundabout we swung right to Victoria Road South.
3:20pm on New London Road: back towards the city
3:21pm on A1060 Parkway: Essex County Cricket Club ahead
3:23pm on A1099 Victoria Road South: northwards
Up to Anglia Ruskin
We skirted the west and north sides of the city centre, cycling up Victoria Road South then turning right at Duke Street. Passing pubs, bars and bistros we got a few cheers and plenty of smartphone cameras pointed in our direction. Unfortunately none of our tiny band had WNBR banners so I fear the protest message did get somewhat lost.
3:25pm on Duke Street: bus stop and bus
3:26pm on Tindal Square: “I do as I been told”
Duke Street led to Tindal Square, from where we headed north on New Street, all the way up Anglia Ruskin University on Bishop Hall Lane. Here on the plaza outside Lord Ashcroft Building we took our only rest break; away from the public yet conspicuously a collection of white middle-aged men, albeit one in a long blonde wig and mini-skirt.
3:29pm on New Street: railway bridge selfie
3:31pm on Bishop Hall Lane: to Lord Ashcroft Building
It’s a pity there wasn’t more diverse representation but it’s a familiar problem, and one caused – it must be acknowledged – by the behaviour of men. Not my fellow riders on this day, but broadly; those who take close-up photos without permission, or linger too close, or stare too long. Guys, you’re wrong to think it’s not noticed. Everyone knows.
3:33pm at Anglia Ruskin University: halfway
Crossing the Chelmer
Our pause at Anglia Ruskin lasted just five minutes, after which we turned back south on New Street, then took a left on to Victoria Road and crossed the River Chelmer for a first time. Pedestrians were sparse in this area, but there was plenty of traffic. Many drivers gave us lively acknowledgement with their car horns.
3:38pm on New Street: heading back south
3:42pm on A1099 Victoria Road: nearing the River Chelmer
3:44pm on A1099 Victoria Road: Springfield Road turn
A right turn at the end of Victoria Road put us on the A1099 Springfield Road, leading us over a roundabout and on to the A1099 High Bridge Road for a second crossing of the Chelmer. So much greenery on this side of town, bathed in such brilliant sunshine. If only it could have been this sunny and warm in Brighton two weeks before!
3:45pm on A1099 Springfield Road: supermarket sweep
3:46pm on A1099 High Bridge Road: over the high bridge
Way out north-west
We entered the Odeon Roundabout for a second time, again took the north-west exit up the A1060 Parkway, again passed the cricket ground, but now continued onwards beyond Central Park and beneath the railway bridge, until eventually we swung north at a busy intersection and started back along Rainsford Road.
3:47pm on Odeon roundabout: the second of three circuits
3:49pm on A1060 Parkway: full ahead
3:52pm on A1060 Parkway: two ends
3:55pm on A1060 Parkway: approaching Rainsford Road
Back from whence we came
We were few in number, but Chelmsford WNBR was no less properly organised than the larger UK events. Radio communication was maintained throughout between the lead and back marshal. They kept us together, shepherding us round and controlling traffic for safety at the main junctions. Respect to those responsible.
3:58pm on Duke Street: passing Chelmsford Station
3:59pm on Duke Street: crossing the mini roundabouts
4:00pm on Duke Street: back to Tindal Square
Rainsford Road led back in to Duke Street. We passed the railway station, went over two mini roundabouts and returned to Tindal Square, where this time we veered right on to Tindal Street. We were at our most public in the city centre. Some people loved us, a few vociferously didn’t, many simply ignored us – nakedness normalised.
4:01pm on Tindal Street: parallel with the High Street
4:01pm on New London Road: last turn through the centre
After Tindal Street had flowed on to New London Road, our next right turn brought us back to Bellmead, where we’d set-off an hour earlier. Here, one or two riders dropped out while others opted to ride on further to a favoured pub. I wasn’t going to stay for a drink but continued anyway, just to keep the enjoyment going a bit longer.
4:02pm on Bellmead: where we began
4:02pm on Bellmead: end here or carry on?
To the pub
It was disappointing to see here – as I had at Brighton – people ending their ride then immediately loading their bikes in the back of cars. This is partly a protest against car culture, after all. The struggle continues… from Bellmead we retraced our initial route, left on A1060 Parkway then round the Odeon Roundabout for a third and final time.
4:03pm on Bellmead: we carry on
4:05pm on A1060 Parkway: third circuit of Odeon roundabout
4:08pm on Moulsham Street: our new home straight
A return to Moulsham Street confirmed this as the most rider-friendly part of the route. Some people had even left their shops and stood at the pavement’s edge to cheer us on. We reached The Bay Horse pub car park, our final destination, one hour and ten minutes after we’d started, with the sun shining brightly as it had all the way round.
4:08pm on Moulsham Street: local support
4:08pm on Moulsham Street: right turn for The Bay Horse
4:09pm at The Bay Horse car park: thus ends the ride
On reflection
A guy had loitered near our start point who I recognised from the London WNBRs. He didn’t ride and I wondered why; maybe it was the absence of naked women, maybe it was the smallness of the group, or maybe it was too close to home. I confess the last two reasons caused me to hesitate, but I’m so glad I did this. I hope others try it too.
4:09pm at The Bay Horse car park: sweet smell of success
Our route from Market Square to The Bay Horse
More on WNBR Chelmsford 2019
- protest against the global dependency on oil
- curb car culture
- obtain real rights for cyclists
- demonstrate the vulnerability of cyclists on city streets
- celebrate body freedom
Portrait modelling for Hesketh Hubbard Art Society at Mall Galleries entails sitting motionless on a chair for one whole hour, then taking a fifteen-minute timeout for tea and biscuits before resuming for a further whole hour to the session’s end. Patience, focus, wakefulness and a self-sufficient mind are needed. And a comfortable seat…
It seemed the comfortable seat wasn’t to be. I briefly scouted the gallery for cushions but, failing in my quest, fell back on my posterior resilience instead. Come the minute we were due to start, an artist kindly asked if I would like some padding but by then it was too late. I found my gaze point at fixed on it for the first period.
At the outset, it was the hard back that made its presence known to my vertebrae. By the last ten minutes, a numb bum was becoming an aching arse. In truth it wasn’t too bad, but a little softness would not have gone amiss. At least the lighting this evening, rigged for an exhibition of aviation art, was conducive for the creation of fine works.
Artwork by Dmitry Shaklanoff-von Seipt.
The second half matched the first for its evolution of time. I became distracted by one blowfly that kept harassing the artists, and I waited for the moment it would land upon my face. Mercifully it never happened. The seconds counted down, one after another, and eventually ran out. But I stuck around a while, loving what had been made.
For the second time in just twelve days, I was life modelling at the Garrett Centre for Adrian Dutton London Life Drawing. Whereas my last visit was all about the long pose, this one had poses ranging between two and thirty minutes each. Mostly these were different artists too; many regulars learn which pace brings greatest satisfaction and then stick with that preference. Joy unto those who embrace every format.
I started with a 10-minute pose that allowed time for latecomers (of which there were several) to arrive and settle before we dashed through three 2-minute poses followed by two 5-minute poses. A pair of 15-minute poses took us up to our break. As always here, artists and model were very well fed at no extra cost: hot pizza, grapes, breads, dips, teas, biscuits, wine and more. I may have been more rounded at the restart.
The second half was comprised of two 30-minute poses. First, I sat hunched forward upon a stool, holding my back like an elderly man – well, I’m not getting any younger. The final pose had me sprawled on the floor, twisting my hips, my knees flat and one forearm raised. The other arm was cunningly folded beneath me to support my spine. I’m becoming more careful about mitigating potential pain. I’m not ready to retire yet.
How to commence at The Old Nun’s Head? It’s usual for Nunhead Drawing Group to begin with a set of 1-minute poses but, as this was a duo session with Esther and me, we suggested at least 2-minutes for two figures. A compromise was reached: we started with five poses of 90-seconds each.
After the warm-ups we progressed to a 15-minute pose with Esther standing over my reclining body, with my arms raised to her legs. Next, I sat on the floor for 25-minutes while Esther lay across my lap, her head cradled in my left hand. These gentle poses brought us to our interval; an ache here, some numbness there, but generally cosy.
The second half opened with a 20-minute split-level seated pose, with Esther perched above the fireplace (no fire!) and me on a chair just below her. We then sat together in an embrace on the floor for 15-minutes before concluding with a flurry of four 1-minute poses. Yes, they got their 1-minute poses after all.
It was nice to be life modelling as a duo. Our last work together had been four months ago, in mid-March, and then there was Esther’s Have I Got Nudes For You event at the end of March but nothing else since. Happily we have three duo sessions lined up for September, but many thanks go to our Nunhead friends for this summer evening.
In 2019, the Brighton Naked Bike Ride teamed-up with climate emergency activists Extinction Rebellion to campaign under a joint banner: “We are nature“. The World Naked Bike Ride has always been a protest against global oil dependency. Now the situation is critical, yet still world leaders refuse to act. I headed to Brighton.
Preston Park prepares
The ride’s usual mustering place, The Level, was hosting Brighton Vegan Summer Festival, so this year we would start from Preston Park. I arrived to find a compound already occupied by bikes and naked people. On entry, I was issued a long bean pole flying a green Extinction Rebellion flag, plus a bungee ball for fixing it to my bike.
12:10pm in Preston Park: the Extinction Rebellion Choir
After dropping my bike in a clear spot near the compound entrance, I went walkabout. At the far side I found a body-painting tent where an activist asked if I would like to be decorated. Of course! I gave her a free hand to apply any motif. Next, I chanced upon Scotty H – yesterday official photographer at the London ride, today a lot barer.
1:03pm in Preston Park: back to back with Scotty H.
It was great to see Scott, but I was surprised not to find more friends from the London rides – albeit there were many familiar faces amongst the ever-increasing mass. With the 1:30pm start time looming, I grabbed a quiet moment to snack on a sandwich and then we were off; pushing away slowly from the grass onto an outer pathway.
1:33pm in Preston Park: rolling out to start the ride
1:39pm leaving Preston Park: along the western flank
1:41pm leaving Preston Park: a pause before we hit the roads
We’re all going to the seaside
We exited Preston Park at its southern tip and angled briefly northwards again, along Stanford Avenue before commencing a rippled road trip south towards the coast: first along Beaconsfield Road, then London Road, turning left into Oxford Street, right into Ditching Road, and tracing the west side of The Level to St Peter’s Place.
1:44pm on Stanford Avenue: onto the streets
1:46pm on Beaconsfield Road: beneath the viaduct
1:54pm on St Peter’s Place: facing Phoenix
The colours were magnificent. Extinction Rebellion flags flew in every hue, along with huge images of the globe, handmade banners and slogans, the rainbow flag of Pride, plus all kinds of body-painting and accessories. On we went: a right turn at Richmond Place, then continuing down Grand Parade, Pavilion Parade and Old Steine.
1:56pm on Grand Parade: a bemused resident gazes down
2:00pm on Pavilion Parade: passing the Royal Pavilion
2:01pm on Old Steine: arriving at the seafront
West to Hove Lawns
We’d been bathed in warm sunshine whilst gathering in Preston Park, but by the time we reached Brighton Palace Pier and turned right at the roundabout, grey clouds had come over, temperatures dropped and we were at the mercy of fresher sea breezes… although these were still as nothing compared to the biting winds of 2017’s ride.
2:02pm on Grand Junction Road: “Brighton’s Best Views”
2:09pm on Kings Road: runner and riders
2:12pm on Kings Road: selfie on arriving at Hove Lawns
After cycling a little over two kilometres along the seafront we arrived at Hove Lawns. Here we dismounted and took our first break. It was no longer a day to get a tan but I was content just to sit on the grass till we were ready to move again. We’d had about 20 minutes’ downtime before I noticed tell-tale signs of an imminent departure.
2:22pm on Hove Lawns: time for a break…
2:36pm on Hove Lawns: …then off we go again
The big loop back to town
Exiting Hove Lawns, we continued west along Kingsway for almost another kilometre before swinging right onto St Aubyns. Here we tarried a while so the whole ride could regroup before heading east, back towards town. As we compressed within this quiet residential street, the spectacle of our colours became even more striking.
2:45pm on Kingsway: the western extreme of the ride
2:48pm on St Aubyns: a pause as we regroup
We returned to the town centre via Church Road, Western Road and North Street, all of which are merely run-of-the-mill urban shopping streets, yet people cheered us the whole way. At the Jubilee Clock Tower we turned south – down Ship Street, Prince Albert Street, Bartholomews, Little East Street – briefly reclaiming the seafront.
2:51pm on Church Road: starting the long ride back to town
2:55pm on Church Road: the swerve onto Western Road
3:02pm on Western Road: nearing the centre
3:09pm on North Street: at the Jubilee Clock Tower
3:11pm on Ship Street: buskers #1, outside the former Holy Trinity Church
Next stop, Old Steine Gardens
For less than a minute we were on Grand Junction Road, revisiting the roundabout in front of Brighton Palace Pier before hooking back round onto Old Steine and hanging an immediate sharp right into Old Steine Gardens. Here we would take the second of our rest breaks. Unlike at windswept Hove Lawns, the atmosphere was carnival.
3:14pm on Grand Junction Road: a brief return to the seafront
3:15pm on Old Steine: flying my green Extinction Rebellion flag
3:16pm on Old Steine: arrival at Old Steine Gardens
While Phantom LIMBS played live and naked riders cavorted in the fountain, I took a seat on the grass. To my great delight I was discovered by Cy – a fine friend and high priest of London’s naked bike ride. We’d both observed that whilst London’s is still the mightiest ride, Brighton tops it for youth, vibrancy, gender mix and overall hipness.
3:18pm in Old Steine Gardens: our second rest break
In and out North Laine
We stayed at Old Steine Gardens for about half an hour before leaving via St James’s Street – going north on Old Steine itself, past the Royal Pavilion and continuing along Marlborough Place into Gloucester Place, until a left turn at Gloucester Street fetched us into the North Laine district. Here we were in narrower, livelier territory.
3:48pm on Old Steine: the North Gate in view
3:49pm on Marlborough Place: by Ye Olde King and Queen
3:53pm on Gloucester Street: entering the North Laine
A right turn into Sydney Street, a left turn diversion into Gloucester Road then another right at Robert street; right again a short way along North Road where a swift left sent us down Jubilee Street. These are lively lanes even on quiet days, so the appearance of innumerable naked people on pushbikes merely added to the festivities.
3:57pm on New Road: buskers #2, adjacent to the Pavilion Gardens
Kemptown traverse
New Road, North Street and Castle Square carried us back to St James’s Street then back across Old Steine Gardens. We continued on St James’s Street into Kemptown, one street leading seamlessly into another: Upper St James’s Street, Bristol Road, St George’s Road – about a kilometre and a half in total.
4:01pm on St James’s Street: starting the long ride east
4:06pm on Bristol Road: swinging up to St George’s Road
It has to be admitted this is probably the least interesting stretch of the ride, although pockets of non-participants did occasionally show enthusiastic support. Nonetheless, as the euphoria dipped a tad, I had time to bag a once-traditional shop window selfie. At the end of the line we swung south on Eaton Place, down to Marine Parade.
4:07pm on St George’s Road: selfie in window of Bo Style
4:10pm on St George’s Road: turning down towards Marine Parade
4:11pm on Marine Parade: in it for the long run
To the nudist beach
In close parallel to the seafront once more, our destination was within sight: Brighton Nudist Beach. We continued east on Marine Parade then took a sharp hairpin turn to freewheel down the steep descent of Duke’s Mound before another sharp hairpin put us on low-lying Madeira Drive: the home straight.
4:13pm on Duke’s Mound: freewheeling down the gradient
4:15pm on Madeira Drive: the home straight
Our finish line was the entrance to Black Rock Car Park. I crossed it around 4:17pm, two and three-quarter hours after setting out from Preston Park. Wearily, I rested my bike against the rails and kept a watch for old friends but none materialised. Instead, an Extinction Rebellion activist came by to reclaim their flag; I was sad to lose it.
4:17pm at Black Rock Car Park: finished!
4:19pm at Black Rock Car Park: “WE ARE NATURE”
The final act of the ride is a skinny dip at the beach. It hadn’t been an especially cold day, but such was the cumulative effect of nippy sea breezes that I felt more inclined to get dressed than get in the English Channel. It had been a marvellous experience, however, and much stronger for the inspired partnership with Extinction Rebellion.
4:24pm at Brighton Naturist Beach: a chilly dip for the brave
Our route from Preston Park to the nudist beach
More on WNBR Brighton 2019
- protest against the global dependency on oil
- curb car culture
- obtain real rights for cyclists
- demonstrate the vulnerability of cyclists on city streets
- celebrate body freedom
Bygone blogs
Previously on the Brighton Naked Bike Ride:
Quite how trespassers on the London Overground in north-west Willesden can cause an evening’s worth of travel havoc as far east as Stratford is a mystery. Whilst waiting for a train to Hackney, I messaged Drawing the Star group organiser Catherine Hall to warn that I might be late. It was close, but arrived just in time for our 7:30pm start.
It was a warm and humid evening, so the air conditioning unit upstairs at The Star by Hackney Downs had been set to roaring cold. Such was its effectiveness that for the first two poses I needed a heater. We began with lots of warm-ups, however, so I was soon up to temperature: 5-minutes, 4, 3, 2, three of 1-minute, three of 30-seconds.
I was posing in the round with many familiar faces among the artists drawing me from all sides. This is still one of the friendliest groups in London, I believe. We finished the first half with two 10-minute poses, after which most scampered downstairs for drinks. Happily I was already set with a red wine that my late train hadn’t delayed me buying.
As usual for the restart we had a democratic vote on pose time preferences, with two of 15-minutes winning by a landslide. First I arranged myself onto a low stool with my limbs angled or extended, then completed the session by standing straight with arms bent, hands at the back of my neck and crooked elbows above my head.
Lovely group, superb drawings and I was even bought a shot of bourbon for my pains. Not that I was feeling pain at the time, or even posing in especially unusual ways, but for two or three days afterwards my back was very tender as if strained, and my shins felt a deep dull ache when walking. Note to self: even when time is tight, do stretches!
2019 was: the 16th year the World Naked Bike Ride had taken place in London; the 10th anniversary of my debut participation; my 10th time taking part; my 9th year in succession; my 5th time starting from Tower Hill; my 3rd time riding as a marshal; my 2nd time coming straight from a life modelling job… it’s curiously addictive.
World Naked Bike Ride (WNBR)
WNBR is a worldwide campaign that demonstrates the vulnerability of cyclists and protests against car culture. Its linked objectives are to:
- protest against the global dependency on oil
- curb car culture
- obtain real rights for cyclists
- demonstrate the vulnerability of cyclists on city streets
- celebrate body freedom
Also in the numbers: this year’s London Naked Bike Ride would have a 7th starting point, as Deptford joined Hyde Park (the original), Regents Park, Tower Hill, Clapham Junction, West Norwood and Kew Bridge. At first, the idea of dividing the start was to frustrate dodgy photographers; now it feels like tendrils reaching out to claim the city.
The WNBR London Collective had, as always, been very meticulous in its planning. The only aspect perennially beyond its control is, of course, the weather. Fortunately we’re almost always blessed with fine conditions, but this year appeared less certain. Rain was around in the morning and we could only hope it would blow over by 2pm.
Five, four, three, two, one…
I arrived at Trinity Square Gardens with fellow marshal, fellow life model, Natansky at around 1:30pm, in plenty of time for our 2:45pm scheduled start. Many people with bikes were already scattered about, although I doubted anyone would rush to strip off early. The threat of rain had passed but a cold wind was still giving us goosebumps.
2:28pm at Trinity Square Gardens: no hurry to undress in the cold – © Scotty H.
It wasn’t long before we were joined by our friend, Cy – nowadays a primary organiser in the Collective – plus other helpers: official photographer, Scott; my fellow front-rider from last year, Pawel; ground support, Mike; and many more familiar friendly faces. At 2:30pm, I finally bared all and headed solo through a side gate to our starting line.
2:40pm at Trinity Square Gardens: lone ranger – © Michael G Spafford
2:44pm on Trinity Square: me, Pawel and Cy – © Michael Preston/Creative19.com
For a few minutes I was conspicuously naked and alone, waiting for everyone else to snake round via the gardens’ rear exit; my job was to prevent a false start. Eventually the ride lined-up behind me and, at 2:45pm sharp, I got the nod from Cy. On a whim I yelled a countdown – 5! 4! 3! 2! 1! – and off we went into Lower Thames Street.
2:48pm on Lower Thames Street: our official photographer, Scotty H., up above
2:48pm on Lower Thames Street: his photo as we pass beneath – © Scotty H.
Cross-country at Tate Modern
Roadworks on Lower Thames Street were known to be causing congestion ahead so, instead of occupying the main highway, our protest started cynically in the cycle lane. Once past this obstacle we spread out joyously across Upper Thames Street, and on to Southwark Bridge where we halted for a first time so our tail could catch up.
2:55pm on Southwark Bridge: our first tactical stop
2:57pm on Southwark Bridge: with WNBR London dynamo, Cy
After a respectable pause we continued south of the river, turning right on to Sumner Street. I led the way and unexpectedly found myself facing a total roadblock for more work at Tate Modern. Seeing no other options, I steered us up and over a grass bank then round the pavement before pausing to regroup at the Southwark Street junction.
3:01pm on Sumner Street: an unexpected detour causing chaos behind – sorry!
3:03pm on Sumner Street: Tate Modern glares down at us
Embankment to… where?
When the time felt right, I led us on the right turn into Southwark Street and then right again at the traffic lights, over Blackfriars Bridge. The sun was out but the chill breeze could still make itself felt. At the north end of the bridge we turned left onto a slip-road then filed down onto Victoria Embankment.
3:14pm on Blackfriars Bridge: hello again, Scott! – © Scotty H.
3:16pm on Victoria Embankment: slip-road to the river
The group inevitably splits when crossing from the slip-road to the river side of Victoria Embankment, so I took the lead pack as far as Temple station and waited a long while for the back to catch up. When, at 3:23pm, I got a message from Cy saying, “Go go“, I asked: “Northumberland or WB?” – the decision was taken: Northumberland Avenue.
3:20pm on Victoria Embankment: loitering opposite Temple station
3:33pm on Northumberland Avenue: next stop, Trafalgar Square
Square to Square
Last year we cycled straight to Westminster Bridge (WB) to avoid a right-wing mob in Whitehall. This year our concern was to avoid disrupting Eid celebrations in Trafalgar Square but Mike had gone ahead (clothed) and messaged: “Eid festival all contained within Trafalgar Square. All routes busy but passable.” We were back on track.
3:38pm on Whitehall: no bother at all
3:42pm on Whitehall: seeing the sights from an open-top bus
After a few delays getting up Northumberland Avenue, we swung right on to Whitehall and Parliament Street, had a few more delays getting beyond Parliament Square, but breezed over Westminster Bridge Road, round Addington Street, into Forum Magnum Square. This year’s pathetic Nazi mob on Whitehall was well kettled by the police.
3:53pm at Forum Magnum Square: the London Eye peers down
Back to the north
As always, the riders from all seven start points coalesced as one at Forum Magnum Square. I found my friend and fellow marshal Chas suffering the indignity of having a Santander bike rather than his not-quite-ready custom-built chopper. He wasn’t joyful, but the spirit of the ride was good. Shortly after 4pm we were on the move again.
4:06pm at Forum Magnum Square: away we go
4:08pm on Belvedere Road: Mike clicks the official count – 900 riders this year
No longer duty-bound to lead the pack, I became anonymous in the peloton; more so this year as for the first time since 2013, I was cycling without any body paints – back to bare skin. No particular reason, just being myself. We proceeded: Belvedere Road, Concert Hall Approach and over cold-blown Waterloo Bridge, returning to the north.
4:11pm on Belvedere Road: angels in undies
4:13pm on Waterloo Bridge: run-up to the bridge itself
4:16pm on Waterloo Bridge: a chilly traverse
4:19pm on Lancaster Place: running between the nudes
Room at the Inn
From being tightly packed into narrow streets out of Forum Magnum Square, we were strung out as we left Waterloo Bridge and Lancaster Place to loop round Aldwych and veer east along Strand. We passed the Royal Courts of Justice and were fleetingly on Fleet Street before going left into Chancery Lane, and left again into Carey Street.
4:21pm on Aldwych: swinging round to Strand
4:22pm on Strand: before the Royal Courts of Justice
4:26pm on Chancery Lane: beginning the weave to Lincoln’s Inn
4:28pm on Carey Street: sharp right into Searle Street
From Carey Street we entered Searle Street, which brought us to Lincoln’s Inn Fields. Here we would collectively rest a while. Unusually, I failed to find the friends I’d set off with so instead I sampled the dubious delight of queuing with dozens of naked men to use the public loos. I then found a nice sunny spot outside, simply to sit and relax.
4:29pm on Searle Street: welcome to Lincoln’s Inn Fields
4:37pm on Lincoln’s Inn Fields: a moment to dismount
Covent Garden, Charing Cross
The stop at Lincoln’s Inn seemed briefer than in previous years. I’d only been there a quarter of an hour when I saw Natansky hurtling along Newman’s Row from the front marshals towards the back of the pack – a sure sign we were about to leave. And so we were: a couple more sides of Lincoln’s Inn, then out via Remnant Street.
4:46pm on Newman’s Row: Natansky races to rally the masses
4:48pm on Lincoln’s Inn Fields: exit via Remnant Street
4:49pm on Remnant Street: crossing Kingsway
We were heading once more for Trafalgar Square. From Remnant Street, we crossed over Kingsway into Great Queen Street and continued to the end of Long Acre before turning left on to Bow Street, straight into Wellington Street, right on Tavistock Street, right on Southampton Street, left on Henrietta Street and left down Bedford Street.
4:51pm on Great Queen Street: First Aid, if needed
4:54pm on Southampton Street: Covent Garden ahead
4:55pm on Henrietta Street: cobblers to these cobbles
This slalom through theatreland brought us back to Strand, where a right turn sent us past Charing Cross station. I couldn’t remember us ever having gone this way before. In my mind, from Bedford Street, it’s usually Chandos Place, William IV Street and St Martin’s Place – but, hey, somewhere new is always cool.
4:58pm on Strand: an unexpected encounter with Charing Cross station
4:59pm on Strand: our return to Trafalgar Square
Home, home on The Mall
The presence of boneheaded right-wing nationalists – this nation’s disgrace – denied us our regular finish on The Mall in 2018, but this year we were back on course. After passing beneath Admiralty Arch we enjoyed a leisurely cruise up the iron oxide-tinted highway of imaginary red carpet that leads towards Buckingham Palace.
5:01pm on The Mall: passing beneath Admiralty Arch
5:05pm on The Mall: once more to the palace
After a customary selfie at the palace, my ride ended in adjacent Green Park. Those riding back to London Bridge for an Afterparty waited by the Canada Memorial while everyone else finished further along Constitution Hill. I joined the Afterparty pack, not because I was up for partying but simply because I would be heading that way home.
5:08pm on Constitution Hill: Buck House selfie
5:11pm on Constitution Hill: a weary walk across the finish line
5:34pm at Green Park: the Canada Memorial… the end
I lingered in sunshine at the Canada Memorial till almost six o’clock but there was no sign of imminent movement so I settled for a solo departure after all. Before leaving I met Cy and handed back my marshalling armband. It’s likely this was my final ride as a marshal; I depart with utmost respect for the good people who make it happen.
Thank you.
Our route from Tower Hill to Green Park
More on WNBR London 2019
Bygone blogs
- London Naked Bike Ride 2018 – Peaceful Protest
- London Naked Bike Ride 2017 – New Bridges
- London Naked Bike Ride 2016 – A Silver Lining
- London Naked Bike Ride 2015 – Feel Good Painted
- London Naked Bike Ride 2014 – A Fresh Start
- London Naked Bike Ride 2013 – Arch to Arch
- London Naked Bike Ride 2012 – Into the Light
- London Naked Bike Ride 2011 – Re-wrapped
- London Naked Bike Ride 2009 – First Time
steve ritter 