Friday evening long-pose life drawing at the Garrett Centre always opens with a few short warm-up poses. I stood for 5-minutes, then went into a low push-up position for another 5-minutes, stood again – more dramatically – for 5-minutes, and lastly sat on the floor for 8-minutes. All in the round for a near-full house of artists.
The long pose itself would take up the rest of the first hour (perhaps 35-minutes) plus the whole of the second half (one hour or so). When Tom – who hosts these sessions on behalf of Adrian Dutton life drawing – and I asked the artists which style of pose they would prefer, the consensus was for me to be sitting upright on a stool. Fine.
Complacently I picked a pose I’ve used many times in the past but that wasn’t perfect for such a long duration. A tad too uncomfortable, but entirely my own fault. Tom used masking tape to mark the position of my right foot on the ground. I then had the bright idea that he could also mark edges of my shadow to help me re-find position.
I probably wasn’t much more than ten or fifteen minutes into the pose when the initial points of discomfort made themselves felt. Not hideous pain nor even numbness, but prolonged discomfort can be irksome. Upon completing the first half without a stretch break, I then promptly self-medicated with a large glass of wine at the interval.
I took two stretch breaks during the second half, dividing it into thirds. For the second third, I somehow managed to get relatively comfortable so I let that one last longest. I am rarely self-conscious in pose, but it can feel odd to stand naked and be stretching my limbs or shaking joints – I never keep it going as much as my body would want.
And so to the end. Applause was very generous, and my little aches soon faded as I wandered around admiring the fine artworks created. Compliments were exchanged with artists and slowly the room began to clear. Some were headed to a nearby pub, but I was going home to rest, content with having pushed myself far enough.
After London, Brighton and Chelmsford, my final World Naked Bike Ride of 2019 would be by the Essex coast at Clacton-on-Sea. Unique voting patterns had earned this place labels like UKIP-Town and Brexit-on-Sea but I wanted to find out how the supposed ‘Little Englander’ majority would react to naked protesters on its streets.
The Conservative council’s intolerance had manifested in 2013 after the first Clacton naked bike ride when their leader pledged “a halt to naked events” in the area. The silly daft sod failed, of course, but subsequent rides have taken place under a raft of local regulations and police notices.
Local regulations
The following regulations apply in the town centre on roads and footpaths:
- no bells or horns apart from bicycle bells and horns
- no loud whistles of any kind
- no loud music until the ride passes the cinema
- no unicycles
- no skateboards
- no roller blades
- no roller skates
- no scooters
Only bicycles may be used on this ride as local town laws forbid the use of the above items in the town centre.
Notice to participants from Clacton Police
As advertised on the website, this is about worldwide environmental protest against the destructive elements of car culture and a celebration of the bicycle and the body. It is not about promoting ‘Naturism’, and as such is being allowed to proceed over the right to protest.
Please familiarise yourself with the attached legislation, which will be positively enforced by the police if necessary, particularly Section 66.
Section 66 Sexual Offences Act – a person commits an offence if-
(a) he intentionally exposes his genitals, and
(b) he intends that someone will see them and be caused alarm or distress
There is other legislation but this is the most important one.
Please be aware that if any item of clothing is worn by a person other than socks, shoes, hats and gloves then either the female or male genitalia must be covered. If this is not the case then the police will in effect take it that you are deliberately trying to draw attention to your genitalia, thus having the intention to cause harassment alarm or distress to onlookers. It must be stressed that any adornment on the body deliberately worn to draw attention to either the male or female genitalia will also be treated the same.
No person under the age of 18 are allowed to participate – naked or otherwise.
We would ask that you be considerate and respectful to both the local and tourist population as Clacton is promoted as family-orientated seaside resort. Please remember that not everyone will be of the same thought as yourselves and many may find your actions distasteful and insulting.
The aim of the police:
- to ensure the safety of the public, event participants and police personnel
- to minimise the disruption to other road users
- to ensure the participants act within the spirit of the event
Against the background of these ludicrously prim decrees, I arrived at Clacton-on-Sea station around quarter to one in the afternoon. The ride was scheduled to start at 2pm so I had ample time to grab a sandwich from Sainsbury’s then cycle to the beach for a leisurely lunch before we set off.
Rain or shine
More than officialdom, the factor most likely to dampen this ride was the weather. As I sat by the sea, eating my sandwich, I started to notice exceptionally dark clouds were mustering from the south. All week the forecast had threatened rain around 2pm; now here it was, bang on cue and in spades.
1:23pm on Clacton seafront: storm clouds amassing
As the time approached 1:45pm I joined other riders assembling in the Toby Carvery car park a short distance along the coast. No sooner had I propped my bike against a fence than the first drops fell. By the time I found shelter under the restaurant’s eaves there was full lightning show in progress. Fair play to those who remained out in it.
1:58pm at the Toby Carvery car park: after the deluge
Personally I would have waited for the storm to clear, but I had a feeling the hardcore riders would start on time, come what may. Mercifully both happened. With about two minutes to go, the rain fizzled out. I dashed to my bike, stripped naked in record time, saddled up and was ready to go. Just three minutes late, we were off.
2:05pm leaving the Toby Carvery car park: the ride begins
2:07pm on Wash Lane: a last glance to the departing clouds
2:09pm on Wash Lane: taking a short-cut along Arnold Road
From the car park on Marine Parade West, we took an early turn right into Wash Lane and right again into Arnold Road, at the end which we rejoined Wash Lane. Press and tittering bystander photographers had been present at the start to see us leave but on the open road we were just 20 guys, plus 1 woman in high heels and a lace catsuit…
2:10pm on Wash Lane: with our First Aid escort
Brightening up
From Old Road we took a hairpin right turn down Pier Avenue then looped around to the left on Rosemary Road and High Street. By the time we reached its junction with Carnarvon Road the pavements were drying, the sky was becoming ever more blue, and we were warming with the day.
2:12pm on Wash Lane: about to roll on to Old Road
2:17pm on Pier Avenue: a bit more undressing required
2:18pm on Rosemary Road: not quite ready to hit the town centre
Left at Carnarvon Road and a right at Oxford Road started us upon what would be a broad anti-clockwise arc around the east, north and west of town. The east side was mostly large retail outlets and business terrain without many people on the streets. It felt like we were yet to bring our awareness-raising protest properly to the masses.
2:20pm on High Street: waiting to turn left on to Carnarvon Road
2:22pm on Carnarvon Road: heading north past the railway station on the right
2:31pm on Oxford Road: leaving behind big business and going residential again
The outer rim
Out of Oxford Road and on to Valley Road, we now began our long gentle curve over the top of the town. Passing The Ship Inn, we moved on to St John’s Road where we remained for more than a mile. This was a residential road but also one with very few pedestrians. Maybe most were staying safely behind their net curtains.
2:32pm on Valley Road: no time to stop for a drink, alas
2:34pm on St John’s Road: traditional shop window self at Reg’s Fish and Kebab
2:36pm on St John’s Road: look away now in you’re not keen on the human body
2:42pm on St John’s Road: straight across the Peter Bruff roundabout
We left St John’s Road via a turn south onto Cloes Lane, pausing in a bus lay-by near its top end for a rest. The day was now properly warm, but the ride had been pleasant so far and felt positive. A few people turned away but more cheered or tooted their car horns in solidarity. We certainly weren’t seeing the negativity shown by the council.
2:45pm on Cloes Lane: resting at the bus lay-by, maybe in need of a good meal
2:47pm on Cloes Lane: shooting a little footage for Twitter
Simpletons strike
Cloes Lane became St Osyth Road, where another brief rest break coincidentally put us near a garden party in full swing – cue more whoops and photographs. Indeed the response to our presence remained generally upbeat, till we took a left into Old Road and had a ten minute stop by the public toilets. Then things turned nasty…
3:01pm on St Osyth Road: waving to a friendly driver
3:03pm on St Osyth Road: a left turn back on to Old Road
Just as we were slowing down, our front riders got a barrage of abuse from a carload of young men who – embarrassingly immature for their age – said they were going to come back “with eggs“. They might have been a bit simple, but this definitely counted as a violent threat so their car number plate was noted and we got photos of faces.
3:07pm on Old Road: taking a break by the public loos
A few minutes later I heard a couple of soft thuds on the grass nearby. I knew straight away what it was: eggs. The spineless cowards had returned, parked their car behind trees in a road behind the toilet block and were blindly chucking eggs over the top. All missed, of course. We approached them but they sped off, bravely calling us names.
3:11pm on Old Road: heroes who ‘attacked’ us – details now with the police
3:11pm on Old Road: thrown and missed – a waste of good eggs
What is it about the naked human body that some people simply can’t deal with? We were participating in a recognised protest ride – one of many around the world – with police permission. We did not wish to offend, only to be noticed and raise awareness. The irony of vulnerable cyclists being attacked from a car, however, was not lost…
- protest against the global dependency on oil
- curb car culture
- obtain real rights for cyclists
- demonstrate the vulnerability of cyclists on city streets
- celebrate body freedom
3:12pm on Old Road: excitement over, off we went
First pass through the centre
From Old Road we took a sharp right down onto Wellesley Road, then left back onto Carnarvon Road and right at Station Road. Here we made a very brief courtesy stop outside the council offices – “they hate us“, remarked one rider, perhaps mindful that hate breeds violence – before continuing to the very heart of town.
3:13pm on Wellesley Road: starting our descent to the town centre
3:18pm on Carnarvon Road: right turn on to Station Road
3:18pm on Station Road: a quick breather at the public library
3:19pm on Station Road: outside the Council – they don’t like us!
There was already a joyful party atmosphere in Clacton’s busy centre, so the sudden unexpected arrival of naked people on bicycles only added to the carnival. All around us cheers, phone cameras and beer glasses were raised in approval. We might have seemed unimaginably weird but we put smiles on faces, and maybe that’s enough.
3:21pm on Station Road: looping round Pier Avenue for maximum cheers
3:22pm on Pier Avenue: about to loop back on Jackson Road
3:24pm on West Avenue: right hand down to Agate Road
Station Road had taken us to Pier Avenue, which looped up and round on to Jackson Road. From there we turned left on West Avenue, right on Agate Road, and left again on Marine Parade West. We weren’t done with the town centre yet, however, so a left at Angelfield leading once more onto Carnarvon Road, primed us for another pass.
3:26pm on Marine Parade West: riding alongside the seafront at last
Second pass through the centre
Again we turned onto Station Road and cycled its length, but this time at its southern end we swung left onto Pallister Road, left again up Colne Road and then right along Rosemary Road. One final right onto Beach Road brought us back to Marine Parade West. The sunshine was glorious – perfect for a naked bike ride by the sea.
3:31pm on Carnarvon Road: taking Station Road from the opposite direction
3:31pm on Station Road: outside Clacton Conservatives – they don’t like us either!
3:34pm on Station Road: once more towards Pier Avenue but now turning left instead
3:37pm on Beach Road: preparing for a final pass along the seafront
Marine parade
Our home straight took us a bit over a kilometre along the seafront, passing bars, the pier, beaches and gardens. We got a bit of hostility from one bar but more insidious, I thought, was a businessman outside his entertainment premises telling us: “go home, you’re not wanted here“. This, at last, was the local establishment petite bourgeoisie.
3:39pm on Marine Parade East: a wave to the Moon and Starfish
3:39pm on Marine Parade West: past the pier…
After almost an hour and three-quarters on the road, we were finally back at the Toby Carvery, now much drier than when we’d left it. This had been a fascinating ride in so many regards. Clacton’s self-appointed moral guardians do its people a disservice by trying to deny them exposure to legitimate peaceful protest. People mostly approved.
3:43pm on Marine Parade West: …and back to the Toby Carvery
3:44pm at the Toby Carvery car park: Thank you, Clacton!
I dressed and pushed my bike back along the seafront path. With time left till my train back to London, I sat on the beach once more, eating another sandwich and enjoying the sunshine. I’d last been here to join in a Marie Curie Cancer Care charity skinny dip – the naked body is not evil, so let’s respect each other and keep using it well.
Our route from the Toby Carvery and back
More on WNBR Clacton 2019
Links and reports:
Postscript – March 2021
The primary party responsible for hurling abuse and eggs at us in Old Road was convicted for his actions at Chelmsford Magistrates’ Court in March 2021:
Even an anomalously wet evening couldn’t dampen my enthusiasm for this booking at Shine enterprise space – a workspace, gallery, marketplace and coffee shop all rolled into one. Life Draw Shine is a relatively new life drawing group here; and I do love the anticipation, novelty and immersion of first-time modelling at a fresh venue.
I was surprised to find it such a large and light space – perfect for life drawing. I would be posing with my back to shuttered windows and could make use of a sofa or stools. Artists stood at easels or sat at tables in a quarter arc around me. There was room for them to move about to find new vantage points if they so wished, and two or three did.
Artist and group organiser, Ruth Pickard called the pose lengths, starting at 1-minute and increasing through 2, 3, 4, 5, 10 and 20-minutes up to a break. I couldn’t help but notice the similarity to timings favoured by The Moon and Nude groups, and later we realised Ruth had indeed drawn me at one of their sessions many, erm, moons ago.
Ruth wasn’t the only one to have drawn me before. An unexpected bonus was seeing experienced artist and nice guy, Jaideep Chakrabarti, arrive shortly after I did. Neither of us expected to find the other here – we were both newcomers to Shine – but I think we settled in pretty well. To start the second half I stood for 20-minutes with arms out.
I contemplated ending the session perched upon an uncompromising metal stool, but the lure of a soft sofa proved too much. I sat upright with my left forearm resting upon my left knee for 30-minutes, satisfied I’d made the correct choice. It was an enjoyable evening in an ideal space with friendly people; I hope we can do it again some time.
London Life Drawing run by Adrian and Mark has a new venue. After three years at 83a Geffrye Street in Hoxton – initially only on Tuesday evenings, but more recently Mondays and Tuesdays – they have now relocated slightly westwards to the function room of the William IV pub; still in Hoxton (just about), on Shepherdess Walk.
I arrived for their second-ever Tuesday life drawing session here. The previous week had been a honeymoon period, when no fewer than 37 artists were somehow slotted into the modest space. This being week two, I got about a third of that number but at least everyone had room to be comfortable and could change seats if they wanted.
The sequence of pose lengths remained broadly the same but with a couple of minor variations to keep me attentive: 10-minutes, 2, 2, 2, 5, 7, 10 and 20-minutes up to the break. It was a mild evening and we’d even been able to have windows open. One of the curtains remained closed, however, due to overlooking flats…
We concluded the evening with two 30-minute poses. Whilst windows were now shut, a couple of flies remained in the room. Mostly they avoided me, though inevitably one couldn’t resist skittering across my skin. I could cope with that, but tried not to think of them being drawn (in both senses) into delicate areas.
Irksome insects aside, it felt like a positive start to what will hopefully be a prosperous new era for the group. If attendances stabilise between the opening two weeks’ tallies, they will be doing all right, and deservedly so. Adrian and Mark have been running life drawing groups for many years; in many respects they still set the standard.
This was my first time back at The Sun, Clapham since October 2017! Where does the time go? Ideally my next cliché would be ‘the old place hadn’t changed a bit‘ but I was shocked to find its owners had completely white-painted over the classical mural on the upstairs ceiling. So sad to see traditional pubs losing unique characteristics.
If I didn’t know what had been lost, I would have been happy to find the function room feeling cleaner, lighter and more spacious; a good space for life modelling. Happy too to find it lively with artists: 20 in total, including newcomers. It’s a great place to try life drawing; well run, materials provided, no pressure, friendly… plus sweet nibbles!
Pose lengths had changed a bit, but not much, and that was fine by me as I enjoy the format here. I opened with a 1-minute pose then went on to 2-minutes, 3, 4, 5, 10, 15, 20-minutes up to a break. Artists filtered downstairs to recharge their glasses, leaving me to stretch my limbs, check my phone and sneak a couple of chocolatey bites.
After the interval, we completed this session with poses of 30-minutes and 5-minutes. A numb leg acquired during the penultimate seated pose obliged me to remain on my backside till the end. Still, I was able to walk away a satisfied man, glad once more to be modelling for The Moon and Nude. Shame about that ceiling, though…
On my last visit to the Royal Inn on the Park I had the dubious honour of modelling for the venue’s lowest ever life drawing attendance. It was a relief, therefore, to find a larger gathering – albeit only slightly – was already in situ when I arrived this evening. Mentally, I came up with a pose plan to suit these artists arranged in a horseshoe arc around me. I started with a 10-minute pose… but then more people started to arrive.
The broad rectangular room was full by the time my first pose came to its end. Artists lined the long edges in front of me and behind me, and each end. Clearly I needed to reconsider my pose plan. I pushed my stage – a sheet on a yoga mat – into a central position and resumed with a rotation of poses in the round: three of 2-minutes, two of 5-minutes and two of 15-minutes, taking us up to half-time.
During our half-hour break, while most of the artists disappeared downstairs to top-up their drinks, I circumnavigated the room, chatting with those who stayed and admiring many fine drawings. Peter Dobbin was clearly on form again – his are the works with the all-white background on this page; I particularly love the very first one from one of my 2-minute poses.
Two 30-minute poses completed the second hour of our session. For the last, I lay on my back with my feet up on the table that originally I planned to sit upon with my back to the wall. Such was the evolution of my revolution; also it offered an equitable range of interesting sight lines to everyone present. It was great to be life modelling for a full house – always special in one of Adrian and Mark’s London Life Drawing groups.
I came away from my first time posing for the Life Drawing Class in Hutton feeling upbeat and hopeful of another booking. Even at my most optimistic, however, I didn’t expect it to come just five weeks later. Nevertheless, in that short space of time I was back with The Drawing Hut at Hutton Community Centre, robed and raring to go.
My rapid return was in part made possible by the fact that only one other artist joined organiser Stephanie Mills for my debut – a freakishly low turn-up. Happily there was more of a congregation to sketch my shapes this evening. We occupied our first hour with two poses of 5-minutes, two of 10-minutes and two of 15-minutes.
Insanely, I somehow overexerted a leg muscle during the second 5-minute pose and couldn’t prevent it fibrillating constantly up to the interval. No pain, just disconcerting. For the final 40-minutes I propped myself on the edge of a table – a simple pose that resulted in some wonderful artworks. Increasingly I realise simplicity is the way to go!
steve ritter 